Thursday, 4 August 2011

Tips on surviving the apocalypse (aka the recession)

The present day graduate must be bulletproof. Fully, 100% bulletproof. When the local job centre looks like the student union, you know something is terribly awry. It is incredibly easy for him or her to lapse into a trough of despair; a journey downwards that is further facilitated by his or her inclination to follow any sort of press - be it tabloid or broadsheet. Tales of forty thousand applicants for one graduate job circulate freely, almost as if the act of gaining a position had become established as a Myth. Yes, myth with a capital 'M'.

Not I said the tinman, not I! For this bleak landscape of nothingness becomes the canvas upon which to shine. Let others keel over and perish while your wiliness grants you access to unforeseen prospects. Let the CV's of the others be printed on the finest of papers! Give the masters something of luxury to wipe their tired anuses with!

Nepotism, my friends, is alive and kicking. Do not be fooled that your CV will be read or even used as anal fodder. Permeate the inner core of your masters social circle and be at one with it. Do not be fooled that nepotism is necessarily a force of evil. Do not bask in the comfort of a depressed 'Send' button upon application. Do not suffer the ubiquitous rhetoric upon a follow-up call. Do not consider yourself to be the best for you are not.

Strategy and tactic.

The battlefield

The fauna

The construction